Daily Devotionals

So today I felt the need, urge,  to spend this beautiful morning with God.  As I sit here listening to the birds...I feel the yearnings in my heart...my walk in faith, has been full of pitfalls the last years...there has been no gracefulness ...more like drunken stumbles...no I don't drink...but my walk is full of bruises. I want to pick my self up and to walk with grace, wisdom, and strength....and more importantly faith and hope. I have learned much in my stumbles and wish now to turn them into grace...Oh God grant me the serenity to change that which I can...and to accept that which I can't...and the wisdom to know the difference...

I'm not much of a dog person...but I most heartily love my bids...




To Believe
To believe is to know that every
day is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen,
and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels
dancing among the clouds
To know the wonder of a stardust sky
and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
To believe is to know the value
of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child's eyes and the
beauty of an aging hand,
for it is through their teachings we learn to love.
To believe is to find the strength and
courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up
the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our
time to cherish it.
To believe is to know that wonderful
surprises are just waiting to happen,
And all our hopes and dreams
are within reach.
If only we believe.
~ Author Unknown

Happy V Day!

I hope everyone is/ or had a wonderful Valentines Day...the day of love....romance....I believe my husband must have skipped this lesson...he has had to work late and we are having Fish and chips for dinner...not exactly romantic, right? To be honest, I believe my husband and I are completely on overload...with the move, business, and not knowing what will come next year for "J". She is only four and I can see that its going to be a interesting journey with the schools. I want to make everything perfect...you know like in "Leave it to Beaver"...or "Ozzy and Harriet" the shows are before my time, but they are so lovely...life seems so out of control now...I long for peace and quiet...a simple life...I'm not sure why this eludes me...I no I haven't always made the right or best decisions...but despite all my childhood dysfunctions...I do so try...did you know that approx. 90% of marriages involving special needs children, end in divorce, in the USA...Jasmine's case manager for school shared this bit of info...when I look at this number...WOW inspite of everything, my husband and I are holding on...some days aren't as good as others, but I figure this to be true with all marriages...and hey we have alot of extra stress. Please understand I don't mean "J" is extra stress...we want to take good care of her and provide for her...plan for her future...we worry about when we aren't here...I try to take one day at a time, but I don't know how. How does one walk in faith? What if you are making the wrong decisions, by faith? Not meaning to...you just don't know what to do....How do you walk by faith? What do you do about the decisions you have to make?

Some words of advice needed...guidance wanted...

Hassouneh Going Ons

So how are you guys doing? Moi, well ....besides feeling cheated from winter and ogling other peoples snow :)...in our home we are moving, birthday"g" it up, losing weight, making business decisions, and praying all the above turns out good.

"J" turned 4 recently...hard to believe my little baby is so big..."M" turns 2 soon...she to is growing up...we celebrated with "gannie" and "pawpaw" this past weekend. We had a wonderful time with my parents...we were able to enjoy the park...since winter has never arrived here...I know many of you might think I'm mad...but I really enjoy the snow, cold, and rain...I love the changes in seasons...all four bring such glorious feelings...

As far as weight loss, well I'm embarrassed to say that after four years of two children, many changes, and lot of stress my weight had plummeted out of control. I'm not obese, but could become so. I have joined Weight Watchers and I'm learning to control my "SUGAR" cravings...really I believe the more stressed I am...the more sugar I want...so I switched to Stevia...and portion control...planning....lots of veggies and fruits...and now I'm 7lbs lighter...you heard me 7 lbs in one week....actually I'm feeling alot better and don't seem to be having sugar cravings...I do need all of your prayers and good karma sent my way...I love food. Not processed junk...I like good wholesome foods...portion control though...portion control...

On to business...well....I don't want to go to much in to detail...but pray and send lots of good karma this adventure works out for our family. Please:)

Now on to moving...yes again we find ourselves changing places..."J" needs a school that can meet her needs...ie...hearing and vision impairment, alot of development delays...so we have to change counties...we decide to rent for now, as there are know schools for the blind here, so we will see what comes next...breath...patience...

Anyway I hope you all have a lovely day...and many good blessings are being sent your way..

Namaste

Yearning...and Dreaming...and hoping....

I have been pouring over "snowy" pictures in my favorite European Blogs...I just have to say it...I'm so jealous and its so not fair...why oh why ...I want some snow...and some rain...what is the deal???? Honestly the winter average temp...65 degrees F. Have I ever told you ...I adore the snow...and actually love the rain, as well. Its lovely and gives you this sense of comfort...you have an excuse to linger in your PJ's...to take the day slowly...playing out ever second...I say this all "choked Up" I want some snow...please...big flakes...full of nothing but happiness...Oh Lord, if you could so find time ....of course I know you are busy with the Middle East Crisis, Elections , sickness, death, disease and destruction....in between there though....I would really appreciate some of the cold, white, fluffy drops from heaven...

Holding Ones Breath...

I haven't been blogging lately...many changes, possible opportunites, motherhood, wife, and housekeeper are keeping me busy...my family and I have a wonderful opportunity to bring alot of stablility to our life...requesting all prayers, good thoughts, good karma, and all around good vibes, please send our way...this would go along way to making life breathable, after the last 4 years we really need this...short post I know...but so important!!!

Thanks

Approaching "4" day two

I have been reminiscing today...looking at pictures...thinking...feeling... remembering the good, bad, and ugly...When I think back to everything...I really don't know how we made it through...it is nothing short of a miracle...I believe in miracles...always have...sometimes the unexpected happens for no reason at all...and life is never the same, again. When I think back to all the impossible situations, we have found ourselves in...it is surreal. So much has been lost over the last years... So where do we go from here...right now...I can't tell you...I don't know.

I can tell you this...

I had an epiphany, today...I was talking with "M" and watching "J" try to climb onto the table for the 100th time...and it dawned on me ...that when I'm in the moment...really in the moment...or present...I'm happy...really happy...it is when I venture out and try to put the puzzle of our future together...that I'm sad...because we don't have all the pieces...no fault, no blame, no pity...just all the pieces aren't available, right now.

So here is to living in the moment, placing no blame, and feeling no pity...accepting this is where we are right now...and I choose to be happy ...right now...

Happy "early" Birthday "J"

"J" had severe Pulmonary Hypertension in these pics...we had no idea, if she would live.

"J" now approaching "4"

Approaching "4"

This next week is dedicated to "Js" big day!!! She will soon be four years old. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times like a century ago...as I have said before..."J" was born at 23 to 25 weeks weighing 420grams...she was a biggin:) My baby and I spent a year and a half in various NICUs...she wanted to try out as many as she could...she was trying to find the most comfortable beds...all joking aside though...we were fighting for her life. The trach was the turning point for "J"...my baby hated the ventilator...after she got her trach, "J" really started to improve...much to the doctors dismay...the trach was only for palliative care...meaning she would die...but I had told them at the beginning "I"M NOT LEAVING HERE WITHOUT MY BABY"...I know they were thinking..."Oh God...we have a live wire...call the patty wagon"...

I could pretend and say everything turned out GREAT...well I don't know about great...but life is good and sometimes painful. This is an honest blog...okay...I'm grateful for my "J"...I wished though life wasn't so hard for her....I wish she could talk...I wish she could eat like everyone else...I wish... I understood... what she sees and hears...(hearing has been an ongoing debate) I wish... I knew what she understood....I wish... I was always patient...I wish... are your ready....I wish, want, and need to make everything okay...I want to fix everything...I want to make her all better and I don't know how to accept that there is a limit to all better...how am I going to keep her safe?...how is she going to learn?...who is going to take care of her when, my husband and I are gone?...who is going to love her, like we do? I pray so hard for a long...long...long life...so I can take care of my "J"...she's my perfect baby...

I don't have the answers to these questions...and I pray that guidance comes each and every day...you know in the hospital ....I saw such wonderful parents ...praying so hard for their little ones to survive...many didn't...many...actually alot...do I believe GOD hears prayers...If I say yes...then was GOD not listening to these wonderful people?...If I say no...why is my "J" here?...so I think maybe there might be something to destiny...we are heard, but everyone has a road map already...or at least a guide...that doesn't mean we become lazy and not participate...it just means ....there is something to this destiny thing...because I will tell you this...I'm not anymore deserving of having my "J" than those wonderful people were...and "J" is precious, but so was everyone of those little ones...I'm grateful "Js" road map included us being here ....and when I get down...I do remember that her road map could have read something totally different...or it could have read nothing at all...

Namaste

Happy Birthday (one week ahead of time) "J"...you are loved, adored, and cherished!!!!!

Please excuse any grammar mistakes...this is so hard for me to write,...but necessary, healing, and "J" deserves this!!!! I love you my baby!